I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
