Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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