It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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