if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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