even my farts smell like vagina
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
