@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
