he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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