My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
