We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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