Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I can't turn off my feet"
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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