The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Your dad touched me again.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
i now understand why vodka
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize