Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
there was a trapeze. enough said
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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