Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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