i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Randomize
