Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize