I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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