No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
