I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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