Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
