She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
