i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
