I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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