oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
