got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Sext me about skeletons
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
