Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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