ya dads aren't the best wingmen
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize