There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
