so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
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