Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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