wakey wakey hands off snakey
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
