you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
