I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
