Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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