i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
