what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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