I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
