So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
