I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
