I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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