I hope my margaritas pass through security.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
