sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
