I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
