Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
