Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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