its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
