I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
