that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
