no, he came in my armpit
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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