if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
