i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize