she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
