Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
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