I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
