i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
