She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
