can we get nightvision for the apartment?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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