i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
