you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
