She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
