so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
