2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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