I need to stop coming to work sober
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize