My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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