Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
