you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize