Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
