For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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