That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
