I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
