So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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