I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
