Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
