i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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