yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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